Step Two: MAKE GOALS THAT SUPPORT YOUR CORE VALUES
In the last chapter we uncovered your true core values. It is often difficult to see our core values because the necessities of life take up all our mental awareness. In the same way it is often difficult to choose the goals that will support our true core values. This is especially true of people who are exceptionally smart or talented. They enjoy so many activities and are good at so many projects, that they have a hard time focusing on one or two objectives so they can excel and be successful. The weekend warrior is mediocre at a dozen different sports. But the Olympian has focused their attention and training so they are #1 in their field. Which would you rather be: the weekend warrior or the Olympian?
The “I Want” List
Make a list of potential goals. Call it the “I want” list. These can be material objects like a new home, car or boat. They can be achievements like a new job, promotion or ideal weight. They can be spiritual like more family time or volunteering at a homeless shelter. Go ahead and list everything you think of that you would like to have, achieve or do. Don’t leave anything off because it seems unattainable or silly. Listing some wild ideas may lead you to something really powerful. We will clean up the list later. Now, go back and look over the list asking yourself, “Which of these really support my true core values?” Put a checkmark by the ones that would really support your core values. That should knock out about two thirds of your list. Another way to think of it is to check those that your inner self would support the act of fulfilling. For example: say one of your core values is family. You want to spend as much time with your family as possible and develop true closeness. But one of the things you have always wanted to do is sail around the world solo. You may as well drop the world cruise because your inner self won’t let you accomplish it. It is contrary to your core value of family. Of course, you can also alter your goal to being able to afford to take your whole family on a two week Caribbean cruise. Now your inner self will support you fulfilling that goal. Now, go over the list of “I want’s” that you checked. Ask yourself, “Which ones excite me?” What really jazzes you from the list. When you read it from the list, do you feel giddy? Do you get excited imagining it. These are the goals you should focus on.
Imagine Yourself Rich
Have you ever daydreamed about being extremely wealthy? If not, it is time to start.
Sit back and imagine you have more money than you can spend. If you can spend a lot, just imagine more money. Your time is your own. You can do whatever you want. You can buy whatever you want. This can be a difficult exercise for a lot of people. We don’t want to seem so “selfish” as to have all that money and just spending on ourselves. But remember, this is just an exercise. It is not real life. So indulge yourself. What would you do? What would you buy? Who would you be with? Don’t imagine just a day, but imagine weeks, months even years of having everything you could possibly want. The reason you need to extend the time frame is that most people start by imagining some sort of extended vacation. Lounging around on a beach, reading good books, going fishing, or just doing nothing but being pampered at a spa or resort. But if you can imagine moving from hot tub to massage table every day for a year, at some point you will think, “This is getting boring.” You want to do something, to matter to someone, to make some kind of difference in the world. Now you are starting to get down to your inner self. If you didn’t have to worry about making money to pay the bills or keep a roof over your family’s heads, what would you be doing? What is it you would do whether you were being paid for it or not? Now you are probably looking at a goal that supports your true core values.
Tuesday, May 19, 2009
Saturday, May 16, 2009
IDENTIFY YOUR CORE VALUES
Why is one of the hardest decisions to make in life deciding what you want? There are lots of reasons to be undecided.
You are afraid of what you might miss out on if you choose one option over another.
You are trying to make the decision that others will find most acceptable.
All choices involve an element of the unknown, and that scares you.
You are still collecting information and analyzing your choices.
All of the above reasons have one thing in common – fear. People are afraid of missing out, afraid of being embarrassed, or afraid of making a mistake.
Or, perhaps, you tell me that you have no problem at all deciding what you want. You know exactly what you want. Of course, what you want today is different from what you wanted last week, which was different from what you wanted last month, which was different from what you wanted last year. If that is you, then your issue is not making a decision, but making decisions too quickly without thorough thought and commitment. Your decisions aren’t really decisions at all. You are just sampling.
What is your behavior in a restaurant?
You go to a restaurant and stare at the menu. You change your mind four times, then when the waiter arrives you order something completely different.
Or, you order the same thing you have ordered in that restaurant the last 6 times you were there.
The first person may not know what they want. The second person may be in a rut, or perhaps they just know from experience that there is only one thing on the menu they like. In that case, I wonder why they choose that restaurant in the first place.
First, let me make everyone comfortable. None of the above behaviors are wrong. They are just expressions of our personality. Our personalities engender both positive behaviors and negative behaviors. But even the behaviors themselves are not positive or negative in and of themselves. The same behavior may be positive or negative depending on the circumstance. For example, cutting your neighbor with a knife is generally considered a negative behavior. But if you are a surgeon performing an appendectomy, it is a very positive behavior. What makes the difference is the motive or goal of the act. Our goal here is to give us some tools to choose what behaviors will be positive for us – that is, which behaviors will move us toward our goals. But before we can have goals, we must first understand our values.
A lot of people make goals or resolutions, work at them for a few weeks then drop them. Some very disciplined people may work on their goals for years and accomplish all of them only to find they are miserable. The problem in both of these scenarios is the same. Someone drafted goals that conflicted with their core values. There are a lot of books and CD’s in the marketplace about goal setting. But unless your goals are aligned with your true core values, they will not work for you. In fact, your goals can work against you, making you miserable instead of happy. For example, if one of your true values is solitude, you might not want to make a career in sales one of your goals. What we want are goals that make us happy. You will find they are a lot easier to work toward.
What are your true core values?
Each of us are shaped by our system of core values, but we seldom think of them. They work like our immune system. When we are healthy, we never think about our immune system. But when we engage in behavior that damages our immune system not getting the right nutrients or missing sleep, it breaks down, and we get sick. Too often we take medications that remove some of the symptoms of being sick. We would do better to strengthen the immune system so we can be truly healthy again. In the same way, our core values work to keep us happy. But when we live our lives in such a way that conflicts with our core values, we become dissatisfied and restless. Too often we treat our dissatisfaction with distractions like entertainment or daydreaming. We would do better to rearrange our lives in such a way that our daily activities support our core values instead of conflict with them. But first, you must identify exactly what are your core values.
Core Values Exercise
Take three pieces of paper. Write on the top of the first piece of paper, “Special Times”. Write on the top of the second piece of paper, “Why Special Times are Special”. Write on the top of the third piece of paper, “Core Values”.
Think of a time in your life when you were the happiest. Where were you? What were you doing? What made that time so enjoyable or even magical? Were you alone? Were you with others? If so, who were you with? How did they add or detract from the experience? What were your feelings? Did you want the time to last forever? Is there anything you can do now to make that feeling come back? Describe that special time on the piece of paper entitled “Special Times”.
Continue to write down 2 or 3 times or experiences that were especially meaningful to you. Answer the above questions about each experience. Only list times or experiences that were very special to you. Don’t superimpose someone else’s values on your memories. Perhaps the birth of your first child was a very special moment to you. Or maybe you were just exhausted and glad it was over. There is no right or wrong here, and no one is going to read it but you, so be completely honest.
Now go back and read through each experience carefully. Ask yourself, “What made those experiences so important to me?” “Why did they have such an impact?” Look for common threads. What do all these experiences have in common? Were those common elements what made the special times so special? Write the reasons why those experiences made you happy on the sheet entitled, “Why Special Times are Special”.
Now, read over the reasons you listed on the second sheet. What values stand out? For example, all of your special times might involve being with your family. What made those times special was sharing moments with people you love. A core value would likely be Family. Perhaps your special times were catching your first fish, winning an athletic event, graduating from college and getting a big promotion. The reasons those times were special were fulfilling your goal and being recognized by people you respect. Your core value might be Pride of Accomplishment.
Here are some possible core values.
Creativity
Integrity
Pride of Accomplishment
Perseverance
Family
Spirituality
Community
Recognition
Philanthropy
Generosity
Make Money Doing What You Love Most
The exciting part of knowing your core values is to envision a way to make money through their commercial application. Perhaps family is one of your core values. You should look at businesses that you can operate from your home, where you will not only be close to your family, but also be able to involve them in some aspects of your business. If your values include spirituality, a health related business could incorporate a spiritual dimension. If recognition or philanthropy are included in your list, a business that is built on community involvement might be just the ticket. Whatever your core values are, design a business that will incorporate those values on a day-to-day basis. If your core values drive your business, life will be more fulfilling, and success will come much easier. People always do best what they love to do the most.
Why is one of the hardest decisions to make in life deciding what you want? There are lots of reasons to be undecided.
You are afraid of what you might miss out on if you choose one option over another.
You are trying to make the decision that others will find most acceptable.
All choices involve an element of the unknown, and that scares you.
You are still collecting information and analyzing your choices.
All of the above reasons have one thing in common – fear. People are afraid of missing out, afraid of being embarrassed, or afraid of making a mistake.
Or, perhaps, you tell me that you have no problem at all deciding what you want. You know exactly what you want. Of course, what you want today is different from what you wanted last week, which was different from what you wanted last month, which was different from what you wanted last year. If that is you, then your issue is not making a decision, but making decisions too quickly without thorough thought and commitment. Your decisions aren’t really decisions at all. You are just sampling.
What is your behavior in a restaurant?
You go to a restaurant and stare at the menu. You change your mind four times, then when the waiter arrives you order something completely different.
Or, you order the same thing you have ordered in that restaurant the last 6 times you were there.
The first person may not know what they want. The second person may be in a rut, or perhaps they just know from experience that there is only one thing on the menu they like. In that case, I wonder why they choose that restaurant in the first place.
First, let me make everyone comfortable. None of the above behaviors are wrong. They are just expressions of our personality. Our personalities engender both positive behaviors and negative behaviors. But even the behaviors themselves are not positive or negative in and of themselves. The same behavior may be positive or negative depending on the circumstance. For example, cutting your neighbor with a knife is generally considered a negative behavior. But if you are a surgeon performing an appendectomy, it is a very positive behavior. What makes the difference is the motive or goal of the act. Our goal here is to give us some tools to choose what behaviors will be positive for us – that is, which behaviors will move us toward our goals. But before we can have goals, we must first understand our values.
A lot of people make goals or resolutions, work at them for a few weeks then drop them. Some very disciplined people may work on their goals for years and accomplish all of them only to find they are miserable. The problem in both of these scenarios is the same. Someone drafted goals that conflicted with their core values. There are a lot of books and CD’s in the marketplace about goal setting. But unless your goals are aligned with your true core values, they will not work for you. In fact, your goals can work against you, making you miserable instead of happy. For example, if one of your true values is solitude, you might not want to make a career in sales one of your goals. What we want are goals that make us happy. You will find they are a lot easier to work toward.
What are your true core values?
Each of us are shaped by our system of core values, but we seldom think of them. They work like our immune system. When we are healthy, we never think about our immune system. But when we engage in behavior that damages our immune system not getting the right nutrients or missing sleep, it breaks down, and we get sick. Too often we take medications that remove some of the symptoms of being sick. We would do better to strengthen the immune system so we can be truly healthy again. In the same way, our core values work to keep us happy. But when we live our lives in such a way that conflicts with our core values, we become dissatisfied and restless. Too often we treat our dissatisfaction with distractions like entertainment or daydreaming. We would do better to rearrange our lives in such a way that our daily activities support our core values instead of conflict with them. But first, you must identify exactly what are your core values.
Core Values Exercise
Take three pieces of paper. Write on the top of the first piece of paper, “Special Times”. Write on the top of the second piece of paper, “Why Special Times are Special”. Write on the top of the third piece of paper, “Core Values”.
Think of a time in your life when you were the happiest. Where were you? What were you doing? What made that time so enjoyable or even magical? Were you alone? Were you with others? If so, who were you with? How did they add or detract from the experience? What were your feelings? Did you want the time to last forever? Is there anything you can do now to make that feeling come back? Describe that special time on the piece of paper entitled “Special Times”.
Continue to write down 2 or 3 times or experiences that were especially meaningful to you. Answer the above questions about each experience. Only list times or experiences that were very special to you. Don’t superimpose someone else’s values on your memories. Perhaps the birth of your first child was a very special moment to you. Or maybe you were just exhausted and glad it was over. There is no right or wrong here, and no one is going to read it but you, so be completely honest.
Now go back and read through each experience carefully. Ask yourself, “What made those experiences so important to me?” “Why did they have such an impact?” Look for common threads. What do all these experiences have in common? Were those common elements what made the special times so special? Write the reasons why those experiences made you happy on the sheet entitled, “Why Special Times are Special”.
Now, read over the reasons you listed on the second sheet. What values stand out? For example, all of your special times might involve being with your family. What made those times special was sharing moments with people you love. A core value would likely be Family. Perhaps your special times were catching your first fish, winning an athletic event, graduating from college and getting a big promotion. The reasons those times were special were fulfilling your goal and being recognized by people you respect. Your core value might be Pride of Accomplishment.
Here are some possible core values.
Creativity
Integrity
Pride of Accomplishment
Perseverance
Family
Spirituality
Community
Recognition
Philanthropy
Generosity
Make Money Doing What You Love Most
The exciting part of knowing your core values is to envision a way to make money through their commercial application. Perhaps family is one of your core values. You should look at businesses that you can operate from your home, where you will not only be close to your family, but also be able to involve them in some aspects of your business. If your values include spirituality, a health related business could incorporate a spiritual dimension. If recognition or philanthropy are included in your list, a business that is built on community involvement might be just the ticket. Whatever your core values are, design a business that will incorporate those values on a day-to-day basis. If your core values drive your business, life will be more fulfilling, and success will come much easier. People always do best what they love to do the most.
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